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Whenever you see me, or any of our coworkers, you have to shout out our names with this weird baritone voice and exaggerate all the syllables. What is up with that? Do you think you're being funny, or entertaining? Well, you're not! It's tiresome and you sound like an idiot. You talk normally the rest of the time, try to make it like that when you see us.
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We have a person at our workplace who insists on running his home business here at the workplace. He is constantly on his cell phone and the work phone, going in between the two taking calls and making calls. Take your business and GO HOME!!!!!
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I see you in our restrooms leaving your stall, making eye contact with me, then heading out the door. We are all onto you and think you are disgusting for not washing your hands after going potty. That is so gross, especially because you are an older woman and should know better. Do us all a favor and either stop using the restroom or start scrubbing you dirty bitch.
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Don't answer the phone like the name of our company is your last name. Turn your cell ringer off and have the self awareness to realize that it's on speakerphone. You always have something in your mouth. Gum, pretzels, smacking your yogurt between your tongue and the roof of your mouth (shudder). Keep your closed minded opinions to your self. Lame interrupter, learn how to use a computer and a calendar. Stop wearing granny panties and tight pants (shudder). I hate you Skeletor.
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You only got this job b/c you are having an affair w/ our married president. You and your 38 year old anorexic bony ass think you are above doing any office work. Well guess what? Your not, you have no degree or work experience, just a 9 year old son out of wedlock and for all that we know, probably with yet another married guy. Instead of working (3) days a week for a total of 20 hours and making as much as our 40 hr weeks, try putting in a full weeks work. Your a filthy skank and we hate you!
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You stink like a burnt cigarette. At least scrub the nicotine from under your fingernails and cuticles (how old IS that nicotine?!). And keep a healthy distance - when I need to show you how to do something on the computer, that is not an excuse to get within 8 inches of my face! If you don't have a cigarette in your mouth, you have your fist, hand, finger or thumb in there - get over the oral fixation. Thankfully, I am leaving this job and your annoying habits.
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Who the hell keeps pissing all around the ONE urinal in the bathroom?! Seriously, this isn't a freaking bar and you aren't 3 yrs old.. How can you miss a urinal? If you can't control yourself, use the toilet and sit down and piss like the bitch you are. I don't like stepping in urine every time I use the bathroom
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I know that the temperature in our office is uneven, and some places are warmer than others. Is it REALLY necessary to fan yourself as violently as possible every five minutes and keep going "whew!" all day? The energy you expend will only make you warmer. If it is really that bad then you need to talk to a supervisor to see if you can move or bring a small electric fan so we aren't all distracted by the fanning and "whew!"ing all day.
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I understand you're trying to lose weight, but your jaw is going to fall off of your face because you are chomping your gum cud like a seven-stomached cow. You admit you chew obnoxiously, but the fact that you don't care is what gets me. You want people to bow to you and then you won't just keep quiet and work with others who have always asked you politely before to keep it down. YOU ARE AN OBNOXIOUS, ANNOYING, CLASS-FREE, FAT ASSHOLE.
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Could you possibly be the biggest moron on the planet? I just heard you, through my headphones, no less, shouting out your credit card number to someone over the phone. Next time this happens, I will copy down the number and order you some gay porn, OK?
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